Recent days.

Last time when I chat with Chiu, I said that I still don’t what I should do in future. He did not answer me directly but said,”You’re telling me the same thing as you did one year ago.” We had dinner together at 118 alley behind NTU, and then had a walk in a park nearby. Chiu said that I don’t have to be so worried about things like finding job, salary, future…etc. After all, there are too many ways to support oneself.

Results of exams of graduate schools have all been anounced already, and I didn’t pass any of three. It’s almost the same scenario as last year. Don’t know why it’s so hard to find my name in those namelists.

Some of my friends are in military troops now, cause they plan to study abroad; some others are in graduate schools; still some others are working now. A few friends who postpone their graduation, passed the exams this year. But I did not.

I still remember a friend of mine, Quenelle, who graduated from law school of NTU. She is three years older than me, and we had French class together in 2005. She graduated in next year. Another friend of us, Alice, told me that Quenelle hasn’t passed exam of being lawyer untill now. Alice said that when one cannot reach expect of his friends on him for a long time, he would tend to disappear from his original networking. Now I can kinda understand what Alice said.

Eversince I entered college, my life seems to be full of failure. I could never get the hand of studying. I didn’t do anything worthy of being written on my resume. I made friends with numerous people, and I lost almost the same amount.

I spend much of time taking photos everywhere in last three years of college. I shoot when I feel good,bad, and whenever I don’t know what I should do. I clearly know that it’s the only way to make me happy. I thought that each of my work is unique and of much talents, but in the end I found that I was nothing more than a common amateur photography lover. I can never be a professional photographer nor leaving my name on photography history.

Since the junior year, I gradually found that I don’t want to be an electrical engineer, or in fact, I ‘m not qualified to. I hate a lot of stuffs in my life, but on the other hand, i don’t know what I really want. I’ve always wanted that I can get back on track one day, as I was a hard-working student in senior high school. I’m anxious about what kind of job I can have if I don’t have master degree. The worst thing is not doing one thing without a good and instant result but do not know what to do actually.

I hope I can attain economic autonomy as soon as possible after being discharged from army. I need to find a job at somewhere faraway from my hometown, cause I cannot do anything I want under my parents’ realm.

Now, all I want is enter the military as soon as possilble, and end up without any accident and annoyance. Yesterday I went to local bereau of military service applying for entering the military earlier. However, because I was chosen as Navy soldier, it’s hard to say when I will be called by the troops.(Cause number of Navy soldiers in need is less than Army) I probally should wait from half month to 2 months, it’s ironical. All I can do is wait.

I want to apply for another tutor job, in order to earn more money, before I enter the troops. And I hope that I can go around Taiwan island alone by motorcycle, in 7-9 days. I’m still planing about this,but I’m not sure whether my father will agree about that or not.


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